New Method More Effective!!
June 2008

A recent scientific research study has produced the startling new truth that positive, forward looking energy is far more effective in treating couples' conflicts than dealing with past or even current frustrations and issues.

Okay…it's not really scientific…more like it is just using what works!

Okay…it's not really a study…more like just my observations!

Okay…it's not really research….there's no control group (whatever that is)!

BUT it is fairly recent. Yes, sir! I've been noticing that couples improve their relationship quicker and better with my new emphasis on positive language, abundant appreciations, and dreaming together about the future.

Now, this is not what couples come into my office wanting to do. They come in wanting, first, for me to "fix" their partner. If that doesn't fly, then they at least want to talk about their ISSUES. They want tell them who is "right" and what to do!

I've got to tell you something strange. I less and less thing issues are the "issue". I more and more think connection is the "issue". And my non-scientific, non-research, non-study is telling me that dwelling on past history or rehashing current issues contributes to disconnection and staying stuck in a hurt and confusing place in a relationship. Connection and communion (which is what we all want, right?) is achieved with a joyful celebration of the wonderful attributes of each other and rediscovering the potential of the relationship.

Imagine going to your mechanic with a poorly running engine and insisting that he or she remove the old sludgy oil or the burnt spark plugs and then have this conversation: "Let's see how we can get this old oil and these faulty plugs to make the engine run better again." Ridiculous!

As I'm writing this, I am just realizing what makes my new approach work better. DUH!

It takes the couple "back to the future". It puts the couple back in touch with that glorious time when the Impulse to connect was all positive, all about abundance, all about grace, and unbridled in potential for future success. It seems to me that is what we are all seeking, after all.

So…next time you have the urge to talk about an "issue"…first, take a breath, get in touch with something positive about your partner and your relationship…then say or do what you can do to fill your Space with that energy…and then see what you really need to talk about and how you really want to bring it up.

Speaking of glorious times, are you ready for a cruise, Imago Style on the very classy Celebrity cruise line?

With great encouragement and hope,
David and Donna

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