Exits and the Need to "Show Up"
August 2007

Exits occur in intimate relationships in all shapes and sizes. An exit is a behavior or involvement, unconscious or thought out, that takes us out of the energy in the Space between a couple and into some other place.

Let me add that it is an exit only if the relationship Space suffers because of the energy displacement. Plenty of activities are part of my life by necessity or choice that do not involve Donna, but also do not harm the relationship…like going to work or taking a shower. But if I am staying later and later at work, or getting to be more than just friends with that person at work because it beats being with my Donna, then we are talking exit.

The good news about an exit is that once it is identified and closed, the energy can be renewed in the relationship where it belongs. Let me insert here that the Imago concept that nature has a good reason for our being together with our partner. It simply provides the best opportunity for our maximum healing and growth.

Now here's the bad news…once we get involved in a serious exit, say, an affair or substance abuse, it is very, very difficult to leave these physiological and emotional highs in favor of that same old relationship that brings us more pain than pleasure. We forget that the old relationship once made us happy, much less the idea that the old relationship is our best avenue to growth even in pain. People who exit to one emotional "safe haven" after another really don't grow very much so they continue to find themselves with familiar feelings no matter who the power struggle is with.

SHOWING UP----Blessed is the couple who learns early to show up with each other at every "opportunity". And you know what we mean by "opportunity"!

Doubly blessed is the couple who finds themselves faced with a serious exit and then, through the long, conscious road of showing up around all manner of feelings and trials, can work their way into a bright, conscious, new relationship. This new creation will be stronger and more joyous than anything either had ever imagined. Showing up, then, is the antidote for exits serving both as a preventative and a cure.

So, please honor your partner and your relationship by showing up…tell your partner how you feel, whether good or bad…it all can lead to intimacy if done in dialogue. AND it will eliminate the need for exits!

(For further pleasure: Check out Shower the People by James Taylor. Sing it to each other!)

Hope you have a "Great Wind-Up" to your summer!!!!!

With great encouragement and hope,
David and Donna

Copyright © 2007 - 2008 Bowman & Associates, P.A. All rights reserved.

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